PART 9 – I Didn’t Want Lucy to Lose Her Cousin, but I Was Done Asking Eli to Accept Being Hurt

December came with cold mornings and school holiday announcements.

Eli still had the drawing on the refrigerator.

Sometimes he looked at it while eating breakfast.

I never asked him to take it down.

I knew he missed Lucy.

I missed the version of our family I had hoped we could have.

But missing something didn't mean it was safe to return to it.

A few days before Christmas, Mom called.

She wanted to know whether Eli would like to receive his present from her.

I told her he would.

She asked whether we could stop by.

I hesitated.

"Will Danielle be there?"

Mom took a moment.

"Probably."

I looked toward Eli's bedroom.

He was putting together a model he had received at school.

"Then I'd rather you bring it here."

Mom sounded disappointed.

She said she didn't want to be caught between her daughters.

I told her I understood.

But I wasn't going to put Eli in that position again.

She agreed to come the following afternoon.

When she arrived, she carried a wrapped box.

Eli ran to the door.

"Grandma!"

She hugged him tightly.

I watched her face.

She looked happy to see him.

For a few minutes, everything felt familiar.

She asked about school.

She asked whether he was enjoying his new game.

Then she gave him the present.

He opened it carefully.

Inside was a set of colored pencils and a drawing book.

He smiled.

"Thank you, Grandma."

Mom looked relieved.

She stayed for coffee.

We talked about ordinary things.

Then she mentioned Danielle.

She said my sister was still upset.

I put my cup down.

"Mom, I don't want to spend every visit discussing Danielle."

"I know."

"Then let's not."

She nodded.

But before she left, she asked whether I would consider joining everyone for Christmas dinner.

I said no.

Not yet.

Mom looked at the floor.

I felt bad.

But I didn't change my answer.

After she left, Eli showed me his new pencils.

He arranged them by color on the kitchen table.

The red one went in the middle.

I watched him draw for nearly an hour.

That evening, he asked whether Lucy had received a present too.

I told him I assumed she had.

He asked whether he could make her a Christmas card.

I found some blank paper.

He drew two children playing a game.

Then he wrote her name.

I helped him fold it.

We didn't send it immediately.

I wanted to make sure we weren't creating another situation where he would be disappointed.

A few days later, Mom called again.

She said Lucy had asked whether Eli had made anything for her.

Apparently, Danielle had mentioned the card.

I asked whether Lucy wanted it.

Mom said yes.

I told her I would give it to her.

We arranged for Mom to collect it.

Eli put the card in an envelope.

He wrote Lucy's name carefully.

Then he handed it to me.

"Can you make sure she gets it?"

"I will."

He nodded.

I placed it in my bag.

I didn't know whether the children would see each other soon.

But I wanted him to know that he wasn't being asked to stop loving someone simply because an adult had behaved badly.

That distinction mattered.

Click here to continue reading: PART 10: My Father Called Me Unreasonable, but His Next Words Made Me Understand Why Nothing Had Changed