The hallway seemed brighter after I made the call.
I sat beneath the lights, watching the doors and listening for footsteps that might bring news about Lily.
Daniel had returned to the chair beside me.
Patricia remained farther down the corridor.
Nobody had apologized.
Nobody had explained anything.
I kept my hands folded in my lap because I didn't know what else to do with them.
My phone rested beside my thigh.
Every few seconds, I glanced at the screen.
I wasn't waiting for a message.
I was afraid of what might happen if I stopped paying attention to the world outside that treatment room.
Dr. Blake had told me the team was working on Lily.
That was all I had.
I repeated it to myself whenever my thoughts began to run away.
They were working on her.
They were trying to help her.
I had to keep believing those things, even without knowing what they meant for her future.
Daniel leaned toward me.
"Do you think she's going to be okay?"
I looked at him.
"I don't know."
He nodded, then rubbed his face with both hands.
I wanted to tell him that I was scared too.
I wanted him to understand that I had been terrified from the moment Lily hit the floor.
But he already knew I was frightened.
What he didn't seem to understand was that I couldn't make his mother innocent simply because we were both afraid of losing our daughter.
Patricia approached us again.
"Have they said anything else?"
I shook my head.
She looked toward the doors.
Then she looked at me.
"You shouldn't have called the police."
I stared at her.
There was no anger in her voice now.
She sounded almost disappointed, as though I had broken an agreement that everyone else understood.
"What should I have done?"
She tightened her grip on her handbag.
"We could have handled this ourselves."
I thought about Lily's small body on the floor.
I thought about the doctor explaining that she had arrived without a detectable pulse.
I thought about Patricia asking me to call it an accident before asking whether my daughter was alive.
"We weren't handling anything," I said.
Patricia's lips pressed together.
Daniel looked at me, then at his mother.
"Mom, please."
She turned toward him.
"What?"
He seemed to struggle with the words.
"Just give her some space."
For a moment, I thought he might finally say something that mattered.
But Patricia only shook her head and walked away.
Daniel watched her go.
Then he sat back down.
I looked at him.
"Why is that so difficult?"
He didn't pretend not to understand.
"She's my mother."
"And Lily is your daughter."
He lowered his eyes.
I regretted nothing about saying it.
A staff member approached a little later and asked whether I could provide more information about the events at home.
I stood immediately.
"Yes."
She asked me to describe what had happened from the beginning.
So I did.
I explained that Lily had been crying in the hallway.
I told her that Patricia had come out of her room and complained about the noise.
I described how the argument had started and how Patricia had struck me.
I explained that the blow had made me lose my balance and that Lily had fallen.
I told her I had tried to get my daughter to respond before taking her to the hospital.
The staff member listened and wrote down what I said.
She asked a few questions to make sure she understood the sequence.
I answered as accurately as I could.
I didn't claim to remember every second perfectly.
I remembered the slap.
I remembered the loss of balance.
I remembered the terrible quiet after Lily hit the floor.
Those memories were clear enough.
When the questions ended, the staff member thanked me and returned to her work.
I sat down again.
Daniel was watching me.
"What did they ask?"
"What happened."
He nodded slowly.
"Did you tell them everything?"
"Yes."
He looked away.
I knew he wanted the situation to become simpler.
He wanted an explanation that would let him worry about Lily without confronting what had happened in our house.
I understood that wish.
I couldn't grant it.
A little later, the doctor came out again.
I was on my feet before he reached us.
"How is my daughter?"
Dr. Blake spoke carefully.
The team was continuing its efforts to treat her.
He explained that the injury was serious and that he couldn't give me a reliable prediction.
I listened, trying not to interrupt.
When he finished, I asked whether I could see Lily.
He told me they were still working on her and that I would need to wait.
I nodded.
It was the only answer I could give.
I watched him return through the doors.
Then I sat down and covered my mouth with my hand.
I didn't want to cry in front of Patricia.
That was an absurd thought, even as I had it.
My daughter was fighting for her life, and I was still worried about what my mother-in-law might think of me.
Old habits did not disappear just because something terrible happened.
They followed me into that hospital.
They sat beside me.
They waited for me to make myself smaller.
This time, I refused.
I lowered my hand.
I let myself cry.
Daniel reached toward me, then stopped.
I didn't ask him to comfort me.
I didn't know whether I could bear it if he did.
For the first time since we had arrived, I let myself admit the truth without trying to soften it.
I was terrified that Lily might not come home.
Click here to continue reading: PART 6: My Husband Wanted an Answer That Would Make His Mother Innocent, but the Truth Would Not Change for Him
The Night I Learned That Keeping the Peace Could Cost More Than I Was Willing to Lose
Part 5 of 24
