PART 14 – James Asked Me What I Wanted From the Life I Had Built, and My Answer Was Different From What I Once Believed

The following morning, I met James to discuss the company's next steps.

We reviewed several operational matters.

There were staffing questions.

There were budgets.

There were improvements to guest services that needed attention.

I listened carefully.

I had learned not to pretend I understood something when I did not.

James appreciated that.

He wanted me to continue developing my knowledge of the business.

I agreed.

There was still plenty to learn.

After our meeting, he asked me something unexpected.

He wanted to know what I planned to do with my life now that I had established myself in the company.

I looked at him.

For a moment, I did not know how to answer.

For years, my plans had revolved around David.

I had planned around his needs.

His education.

His expenses.

His future.

Even after he became an adult, I had continued making decisions with him in mind.

Now I had to think about myself.

That was harder than I expected.

I told James I wanted a comfortable place to live.

Somewhere I could unpack my belongings.

Somewhere I could put my photographs on a shelf.

He nodded.

I also told him I wanted to continue learning the business.

I wanted to become someone the employees could depend on.

James listened.

Then he asked whether there was anything else.

I thought for a moment.

"I want to feel peaceful when I wake up."

He smiled gently.

"That's a good place to start."

I returned to my office afterward.

I looked at the cardboard box of photographs.

I had carried it from David's house because I could not leave those memories behind.

But I was beginning to understand that memories did not have to decide where I lived.

I could keep them without allowing them to control me.

That afternoon, I reviewed several guest service reports.

The work was becoming more familiar.

I found myself making decisions more confidently.

The team was also becoming more comfortable with me.

I liked that.

I wanted to be known for the way I treated people.

Not for the story of how I had arrived.

Later, I walked through the harbor area.

The Sea Star was preparing for another voyage.

I watched the employees moving around the ship.

There was something reassuring about the routine.

People had responsibilities.

Things needed to be done.

And everyone had a part to play.

I thought about the diner.

I thought about all the years I had worked there.

For a long time, I had considered those years nothing more than a way to survive.

Now I understood they had taught me patience.

They had taught me how to listen.

They had taught me how to recognize when someone needed help.

Those skills had followed me into a completely different world.

I returned to my office.

I had another meeting scheduled.

And for the first time in years, I was looking forward to the next day because of something I was building for myself.

Click here to continue reading: PART 15: I Finally Opened the Box of Photographs and Realized That Loving My Son Did Not Mean I Had to Return to His Life