PART 13 – I Finally Stopped Looking Toward the Terminal Entrance and Accepted That the Man I Had Waited For Was Not Coming Back the Same

I gathered the girls' belongings and checked everything one last time.

Their blankets were folded.

Their little clothes were packed.

The bag was heavier than I remembered.

Or perhaps I was simply more tired.

I adjusted the strap and looked down at my daughters.

They were both quiet.

I wished I could explain what had happened.

Not that they would understand.

They were too young to know anything about marriage, promises, or betrayal.

They only knew my voice.

They knew the feeling of being held.

And they needed me.

That was enough.

I started moving away from the waiting area.

I didn't turn around immediately.

I knew Ryan was somewhere behind me.

I could still feel the weight of everything he had said.

But I didn't want to spend another minute standing in the place where I had watched him kiss another woman.

I had imagined that terminal differently.

I had imagined running toward him.

I had imagined him smiling when he saw the girls.

I had imagined him taking them into his arms and asking how we had managed without him.

Instead, I had learned that the man I missed had been making choices I knew nothing about.

That realization followed me as I walked.

I found a place to sit again before continuing the journey.

The girls needed attention.

I needed a moment.

I checked their faces and gently touched their little hands.

One of them opened her eyes.

I smiled.

"Hello, sweetheart."

She looked at me without understanding anything.

I wondered how many times I had spoken those same words during the months Ryan had been away.

I wondered how many of those moments I had wished he could witness.

The thought made my chest tighten.

I had wanted to share everything with him.

The ordinary things.

The difficult things.

The little things that seemed unimportant until you realized how quickly babies grew.

And now I was wondering whether he had been thinking about us at all while he was away.

My phone vibrated.

I looked at it.

Ryan had sent another message.

"Where are you going?"

I didn't answer immediately.

Then another message appeared.

"Claire, please don't leave like this."

I stared at the screen.

I hadn't planned to leave like this.

I had planned to leave with him.

That was the whole reason I had bought the tickets.

I had wanted the four of us to go home together.

But the situation had changed.

I couldn't keep following a plan simply because I had once been excited about it.

I typed a short reply.

"I'm taking the girls somewhere comfortable."

He answered almost immediately.

"Can we meet before you go?"

I put the phone down.

I wasn't ready to meet him again.

I didn't want another conversation in which he explained why he believed his behavior was normal.

I didn't want to hear that he had been lonely.

I had been lonely, too.

But I hadn't chosen to betray him.

That difference mattered.

I took a deep breath.

Then I checked the girls again.

I needed to make practical decisions.

I needed to make sure they were comfortable for the rest of the day.

I needed to think about where we would stay and how I would manage the journey.

I couldn't solve every problem immediately.

But I could take one step.

And then another.

For months, I had measured time by the day Ryan would return.

Now I had to begin measuring it by what my daughters needed.

That was a painful change.

But it was necessary.

Click here to continue reading: PART 14: The More I Remembered His Calls From the Ship, the More I Questioned What I Had Believed About Our Marriage