Saturday arrived with clear skies.
I spent the morning cleaning the little house.
Not because I expected anyone to inspect it.
I simply liked having things in order.
I washed the kitchen floor.
I changed the bed sheets.
I wiped the front window where Sadie had left her handprint.
Then I changed my mind and left the small mark near the bottom.
It made me smile.
I dressed for supper and checked the oven.
I wasn't bringing anything complicated.
Just a pie.
Michelle had always liked apple pie.
I placed it carefully on the passenger seat of my Buick.
Then I locked the front door.
The drive to Michelle's house was familiar.
I had made it so many times over the years.
But this time, I noticed something different.
I wasn't driving there because I needed somewhere to stay.
I was going because I had been invited.
That distinction mattered.
When I arrived, Todd opened the front door.
"Come in, Judy."
I held up the pie.
"I brought dessert."
He smiled.
"Michelle will be happy."
The children came running from the living room.
Sadie reached me first.
"Grandma!"
I bent down and hugged her.
She immediately asked whether I had brought cookies.
I laughed.
"Not today."
She looked disappointed.
"I brought pie."
She considered that.
"Apple?"
"Yes."
"Okay."
I kissed her forehead.
Michelle came from the kitchen.
She hugged me and took the pie.
"You didn't have to bring anything."
"I wanted to."
She smiled.
The kitchen looked much as I remembered it.
The same refrigerator.
The same table.
The same salt shaker.
I noticed the basement door.
It was closed.
I didn't feel anything unusual when I looked at it.
It was just a door.
We sat down for supper.
The children talked about their week.
Sadie explained something about a drawing she had made.
Todd asked me whether the little house was warm enough now that the evenings were getting colder.
I told him it was.
He asked whether the heater was working properly.
I said yes.
Then he mentioned the kitchen drawer.
"Did you ever get that fixed?"
I laughed.
"Not yet."
"I can take a look next week if you want."
"That would be nice."
He nodded.
Michelle served the food.
For a while, everything felt ordinary.
Then Sadie asked a question.
"Grandma?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Are you going to live here again?"
The table became quiet.
Michelle looked at me.
Todd put down his fork.
Sadie didn't notice the change.
She was simply waiting for an answer.
I smiled at her.
"Why do you ask?"
"Because I want you to be here."
I felt my throat tighten.
I reached over and touched her hand.
"I love being with you too."
"Then why don't you sleep here?"
I looked at Michelle.
She didn't interrupt.
I thought about how to explain it to a four-year-old.
"I have a little house of my own now."
"With the swing?"
"Yes."
"Can I come there?"
"Of course."
She smiled.
Then she returned to her food.
The conversation moved on.
But I could feel Michelle watching me.
After the children finished eating, they went into the living room.
Todd began clearing the plates.
Michelle stayed beside me.
"That was hard to hear," she said quietly.
I nodded.
"Children ask what they feel."
"I know."
She looked toward the living room.
"She really does miss you."
"I miss her too."
Michelle sat down.
"Would you ever consider moving back?"
I looked at her.
She continued quickly.
"Not because of the old arrangement. I mean without all that."
I waited.
"We could make room for you differently."
I looked toward the basement door.
Then back at her.
"Michelle, I appreciate that you're asking."
She nodded.
"But I don't think moving back would be right for me."
Her face changed slightly.
I reached for her hand.
"I love you. I love the children. But I like having my own place."
She looked down.
"I understand."
"I can visit."
"I know."
"I can help when I want to."
She nodded.
"But I don't want to move somewhere because I'm afraid people will stop loving me if I don't."
Michelle's eyes filled.
She squeezed my hand.
"I never wanted you to feel that way."
"I know, sweetheart."
I looked toward the living room.
Sadie was showing Todd something on the floor.
The other children were laughing.
I smiled.
"I want to be part of this family."
Michelle looked at me.
"Then you are."
I believed she meant it.
And for the first time, I didn't feel I needed to prove anything.
When supper was over, I helped put the remaining dishes away.
Michelle wrapped a piece of pie for me to take home.
Todd walked me to the door.
"Drive safely."
"I will."
He hesitated.
"Judy?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you for giving us another chance."
I looked at him.
"Thank you for listening."
I drove home slowly.
The street behind the grain elevator was quiet.
When I arrived, I unlocked my front door.
I placed the pie in the refrigerator.
Then I took off my coat and sat at the kitchen table.
Dale's photograph was beside the lamp.
The two keys were in their usual place.
I looked around the little house.
It wasn't the farmhouse.
It wasn't Michelle's house.
It was mine.
And I was beginning to understand that having a home of my own didn't mean I had to love my family from a distance.
It simply meant I could welcome them without giving up the life I had worked so hard to build.
Click here to continue reading: PART 13: Todd Came to Fix My Kitchen Drawer, but the Conversation We Had While He Worked Changed the Way I Saw Him
My Daughter Had a Price for Giving Her Widowed Mother a Place to Sleep, and I Had to Decide What My Years Were Worth
Part 12 of 20
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