By midday, the house looked ready for a celebration.
The flowers had been arranged.
The food was prepared.
The party rentals had been set up.
The dining area looked welcoming.
I stood near the table and checked the place settings.
There were enough for everyone.
I had imagined this moment many times.
I had pictured David smiling.
I had pictured Richard telling one of his stories.
I had pictured Linda asking me about the house.
And I had pictured Harold sitting beside me.
That last picture was the hardest.
I still sometimes forgot he was gone.
Not for long.
Just a second.
I would see something he liked and turn to tell him.
Then I would remember.
I placed my hand on the back of my chair.
The house was full.
But there was an empty space in my heart that no amount of food or flowers could fill.
Linda came over.
"Everything looks lovely."
"Thank you."
"You've done a lot of work."
I smiled.
"I wanted everybody to enjoy themselves."
She looked toward the staircase.
Then back at me.
"Margaret, I hope you know you deserved better than what happened yesterday."
I didn't answer immediately.
I didn't want to start crying.
So I straightened a napkin.
"I appreciate you saying that."
Linda touched my arm.
"You shouldn't have had to explain yourself."
I nodded.
A little later, Richard joined us.
He looked toward the dining table.
"Where would you like me to sit?"
I pointed to a chair.
"Anywhere you like."
He smiled.
"Then I'll sit near you."
I thanked him.
David came downstairs shortly afterward.
He looked at the decorations.
"Mom, this is quite a setup."
I nodded.
"I wanted to celebrate properly."
He looked toward the food.
Then at Patricia's briefcase, which was still beside the chair.
"Is she staying?"
"Patricia has been invited for part of the celebration."
He nodded.
He didn't seem sure what to say.
Ashley appeared a few minutes later.
She was dressed nicely.
She looked around the room.
"Everything looks beautiful."
"Thank you."
She walked toward the table.
Then she noticed the seating arrangements.
"Where are we sitting?"
I showed her.
She looked at the place beside David.
Then she glanced toward Richard and Linda.
Nobody said anything.
I could feel the tension.
But I didn't want to turn another family meal into a discussion about who deserved what.
I sat down.
The others followed.
For a few minutes, everything was ordinary.
Plates were passed.
Glasses were filled.
People talked about the weather.
Richard mentioned the ocean.
Linda complimented the flowers.
David asked about the food.
I answered.
I tried to enjoy the moment.
Then Ashley raised her glass.
She looked around the table.
"Well, I think we should all celebrate Margaret."
I looked up.
She continued.
"She's had a difficult few years, and we're lucky to have her."
I held my glass.
There was nothing wrong with those words.
But I remembered the previous evening.
The toast.
The claim that she and David had planned the weekend.
I looked at her for a moment.
Then I raised my glass.
"Thank you."
Linda looked down at her plate.
Richard took a sip of wine.
David said nothing.
We continued eating.
I noticed that Patricia was listening more than speaking.
She had no reason to involve herself in every family conversation.
She had already done what I had asked.
And I was grateful.
After the meal, some of the tension eased.
People moved around.
The food was cleared.
The flowers remained on the table.
I went into the kitchen to collect a few things.
David followed me.
"Mom."
I turned.
"Yes?"
"About the money."
I waited.
He looked uncomfortable.
"We never meant for things to get this complicated."
I put a plate down.
"Neither did I."
He rubbed the side of his face.
"Ashley and I have been under pressure."
"I understand that."
"We didn't think you were keeping track."
I looked at him.
"That's exactly why I started."
He looked surprised.
I continued.
"David, I don't need you to agree with every decision I make. But I do need you to understand that I am allowed to make those decisions."
He nodded.
"I know."
I wasn't sure he did.
He glanced toward the dining room.
Then he said something that made me stop.
"Ashley thinks you're trying to embarrass her."
I looked at my son.
"Did she tell you that?"
"Yes."
I took a breath.
"David, I didn't arrange this because I wanted to embarrass anybody."
He didn't answer.
"I arranged it because I wanted the truth about my finances to be clear. And because I don't want to keep pretending everything is fine when it isn't."
He looked down.
I knew he was uncomfortable.
But I wasn't going to take the words back.
After a moment, he returned to the dining room.
I remained in the kitchen.
The plate was still on the counter.
I picked it up and placed it in the sink.
Then I looked through the window.
The ocean was still there.
The house was still beautiful.
And it was still my birthday.
I decided I would not spend the rest of it apologizing for being seventy years old.
Click here to continue reading: PART 8: I Had Spent Years Making Life Easier for Everyone Else, and That Afternoon I Finally Stopped Explaining Why I Deserved a Place at the Table
I Thought My Seventieth Birthday Would Bring My Family Closer, Until I Heard What They Really Thought of Me
Part 7 of 24
