PART 11 – When the Candles Were Finally Lit, I Realized I Had Spent Years Waiting for Someone Else to Recognize My Worth

The waitress returned with a lighter.

She placed it beside the cake.

RJ moved his chair closer to mine.

Jessie helped arrange the plates.

Someone at the far end of the table began singing before anybody else was ready.

It was a little awkward.

Then the others joined in.

I smiled.

I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh or cry.

The candles were lit.

Their small flames reflected in the glass of water in front of me.

For a moment, I forgot about the contract.

I looked at the people around the table.

My neighbors.

My coworkers.

My niece.

My son.

These were people who had known me outside the marriage.

They had seen me come to work in bad weather.

They had seen me return from the Saturday route tired.

They knew I wasn't somebody who talked much about herself.

They had never needed me to own a building to respect me.

That thought stayed with me.

I had spent years believing I needed to keep proving something.

To Rance.

To the people who repeated his comments.

Sometimes even to myself.

But the people who truly knew me had never asked me to become somebody else.

They had simply accepted me.

When the song ended, RJ leaned toward me.

"Make a wish, Mom."

I looked at the candles.

I didn't have a complicated wish.

I wanted my son to be happy.

I wanted Jessie to keep building the life she had worked for.

I wanted to finish my years at the post office without feeling afraid of what came afterward.

And I wanted to stop carrying old arguments around in my head.

I closed my eyes.

Then I blew out the candles.

People clapped.

Somebody near the end of the table laughed.

The waitress began cutting the cake.

It was a small, ordinary moment.

But I was grateful for it.

Rance didn't join in the celebration.

He sat quietly.

Vickie remained beside him.

I didn't watch them closely.

I didn't want to spend my birthday studying my ex-husband's expression.

RJ handed me a plate.

"Here you go."

"Thank you."

He sat down again.

For a few minutes, we talked about ordinary things.

One of my coworkers mentioned a difficult delivery.

A neighbor asked Jessie about her job.

RJ's girlfriend told me she liked the cake.

I listened.

I answered when somebody asked me something.

I tried to let the evening become what it had been meant to be.

But I could still feel the weight of what had happened.

I knew the story would travel.

Brookville was a small town.

Somebody would mention the dinner.

Somebody would mention the contract.

And eventually, somebody would ask whether it was true that I owned the building.

I could already imagine the conversations.

I had spent years avoiding them.

Now I would have to live with them.

That didn't frighten me as much as I expected.

I had done nothing wrong.

I hadn't stolen anything.

I hadn't hidden a debt from Rance.

The building had been transferred as part of the divorce agreement.

He had received the business and the other things he wanted.

I had accepted the property and its mortgage.

Everything had been arranged through the lawyers.

I had simply done what I said I would do.

I looked at my piece of cake.

The frosting was a little uneven.

I took a bite.

It tasted good.

That surprised me.

I had been so tense that I hadn't realized how hungry I was.

RJ watched me.

"Better?"

I smiled.

"Much better."

He laughed softly.

Then he looked across the table toward his father.

I saw the concern return to his face.

He still wanted everybody to be all right.

I understood.

But I couldn't make that happen for him.

I could only be honest.

I could only refuse to turn myself into the person Rance had spent years describing.

And I could only hope RJ eventually understood that standing up for myself wasn't the same as rejecting his father.

The cake was nearly finished when I looked toward Jessie.

She gave me a small nod.

I returned it.

We didn't need to discuss the property.

We didn't need to discuss the paperwork.

She knew what I had accomplished.

I knew she had kept my confidence.

That was enough between us.

Click here to continue reading: PART 12: I Had Never Needed Rance’s Approval to Own That Building, but I Finally Stopped Needing His Permission to Be Proud