PART 15 – My Son Began Calling More Often, but Every Conversation Reminded Me That We Had Never Really Discussed What Happened

Hugh called the following week.

I was washing dishes when the phone rang.

I dried my hands and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mama."

"Hello, sweetheart."

He asked what I was doing.

I told him I was cleaning up after lunch.

He asked whether the apartment was still comfortable.

I said it was.

Then he asked about Mr. Crenshaw.

I told him the store was doing well.

Hugh laughed.

"He's always been a nice man."

"Yes, he has."

There was a pause.

Then Hugh said he had been thinking about Saturday.

I stopped wiping the counter.

"What about it?"

"The kids had a good time."

I smiled.

"I'm glad."

He continued.

"Augie keeps talking about your kitchen."

I laughed.

"He likes the idea of pancakes."

"That's what he told me."

We both laughed.

For a few moments, it felt like an ordinary conversation between a mother and her son.

Then the silence returned.

Hugh cleared his throat.

"Mama, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Are you still upset with us?"

I leaned against the counter.

I thought carefully before answering.

"I'm not looking to stay angry."

He didn't respond.

"But I was hurt, Hugh."

"I know."

I wasn't sure he did.

I continued.

"I felt like the decision had been made before I was even asked."

"We were trying to figure out something that would work."

"I understand."

He sighed.

"Marlee thought the room would be good for you."

I looked toward the little kitchen.

I remembered the rattling window unit.

The hot plate.

The outside staircase.

I didn't need to describe them again.

"Hugh, it wasn't good for me."

He was quiet.

"And the money didn't make sense."

"We thought seven hundred was fair."

"Maybe it seemed fair to you."

I took a breath.

"But it wasn't affordable for me."

He didn't argue.

That surprised me.

I wondered whether he had finally looked at the numbers himself.

I told him about my monthly income again.

I explained that I needed money for medicine, groceries, utilities, and transportation.

I couldn't give away half my income and then spend five days every week caring for children.

He listened.

When I finished, he said something I hadn't expected.

"I guess we didn't really think about what was left for you."

I closed my eyes.

It wasn't an apology.

But it was the first time he had acknowledged the problem without defending the arrangement.

I appreciated that.

"Thank you for saying that."

He asked whether I was still keeping the pink notebook.

I looked toward the drawer.

"Yes."

"Why?"

I considered the question.

"Because I haven't decided what to do with it."

He was quiet.

Then he said Marlee had been embarrassed about the notebook.

I didn't answer.

I didn't want to argue about her feelings.

I knew she might have been embarrassed.

I had been hurt.

Both things could be true.

Hugh asked whether I would consider putting it behind us.

I looked at the counter.

I had spent several days thinking about that very question.

"I don't want to carry it around forever," I said.

"But I don't want to pretend it didn't happen."

He sighed.

"Okay."

We spoke a little longer.

Then he told me he had to go.

I wished him a good afternoon.

After the call, I opened the drawer.

The notebook was still there.

I took it out.

I looked at the cover.

The flowers were beginning to bend at the corners.

I thought about how easily something so small had changed the way I saw the offer.

I had already known the rent was too much.

I had already known the room was unsuitable.

But the notebook had shown me that the arrangement had been thought through in a way that made me feel less like a mother and more like a problem somebody wanted to manage.

I placed it back in the drawer.

I wasn't ready to throw it away.

Maybe I never would be.

But I didn't need to open it every day.

I closed the drawer.

Then I returned to my kitchen.

There were dishes to put away.

And I had a life to live.

Click here to continue reading: PART 16: I Started Feeling at Home Above the Hardware Store, Until One Ordinary Question Made Me Reconsider What Family Owed Each Other