Hugh stood near the porch steps.
He kept looking at the keys.
I could tell he was trying to understand how much he had missed.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
His voice wasn't loud.
That almost made it harder.
I looked at him.
"Because I was afraid you would be angry."
He shook his head.
"You didn't have to hide it."
I nodded.
"Maybe I didn't."
I could have said more.
I could have told him that I had been afraid of Marlee's reaction, too.
I could have explained that I had spent several nights worrying about whether I could afford the room above the garage.
But I didn't want to turn the morning into a long list of old hurts.
I wanted him to hear the important part.
"I found somewhere I can afford."
Marlee picked up the printed rules.
"So all this was for nothing?"
I looked at her.
"I suppose so."
She gave a short breath.
"We were trying to make things easier."
I nodded.
"I understand that you say that."
She put the paper back down.
"But you could have talked to us."
I looked at the little pink notebook.
"I tried to understand your offer. I really did."
I paused.
"But seven hundred dollars is a lot of money for me."
Hugh moved closer.
"We weren't trying to take advantage of you."
I believed that he might not have thought of it that way.
But intentions didn't change the numbers.
I explained it slowly.
"My Social Security is fourteen hundred and eighty dollars a month. After paying you seven hundred, I would have seven hundred and eighty left."
Hugh looked at the floor.
"And I would still be watching the children five days a week."
Marlee interrupted.
"They're your grandchildren."
"I know."
I looked directly at her.
"I love them."
She seemed ready to respond, but I continued.
"Loving them doesn't mean I can be responsible for them every weekday."
Nobody spoke.
I had spent years being available whenever my family needed something.
I had babysat.
I had cooked.
I had helped with errands.
I had never kept a list of those things.
I didn't want to start now.
But I also didn't want my help to become something people expected automatically.
Hugh sat down in the chair Marlee had left.
He looked at me.
"We thought it would be a good arrangement."
"For whom?"
He didn't answer.
I regretted asking it that way.
Not because the question was unfair.
Because I could see how much it hurt him.
I softened my voice.
"I don't think either of you planned to hurt me. But I can't pretend this is right for me."
Marlee folded her arms again.
"So you're choosing to live above a store instead of with your own family?"
I looked at her.
"I'm choosing a place I can afford."
She looked away.
I didn't chase her answer.
There was a time when I would have tried to make everything comfortable for everybody else.
I would have apologized for upsetting her.
I might even have agreed to the garage room just to keep the peace.
But I had reached a point where keeping the peace meant losing too much of myself.
Hugh picked up the keys.
He turned the little hammer-shaped ring over in his fingers.
"Is the apartment ready?"
"Yes."
"How much is it?"
I told him.
He looked surprised.
It was less than the amount they had asked me to pay.
I could see him doing the arithmetic.
I didn't need him to say anything.
He already knew.
Marlee stood up.
"Well, I guess we should have known you had something else planned."
I looked at her.
"I didn't plan to hurt anybody."
She didn't respond.
I reached for my coffee.
It had gone cold.
I hadn't noticed.
Hugh put the keys back on the table.
"Where are your things?"
I pointed toward the boxes.
"Most of them are ready."
He looked toward the street.
"Then why is the trailer empty?"
I took a breath.
"Because Mr. Crenshaw is taking my furniture."
Hugh looked confused.
"Mr. Crenshaw is here?"
I nodded.
"His flatbed is parked around the corner."
For the first time that morning, Marlee looked genuinely caught off guard.
She glanced toward the street.
Then back at me.
"You already arranged everything?"
"Yes."
I didn't say it proudly.
I simply answered.
I had made the arrangements because I needed somewhere to go.
I had paid the deposit.
I had signed the lease.
I had packed my belongings.
I wasn't waiting for permission.
Hugh stood up.
He looked toward the boxes again.
Then he looked at me.
"Mama, I don't know what to say."
I reached for his hand.
"You don't have to say anything right now."
He let me hold it.
For a brief moment, I saw the little boy I used to walk to school.
I remembered his small hand in mine.
I remembered how he used to reach for me whenever he was frightened.
I still loved that boy.
I still loved the man he had become.
But I couldn't make decisions for the boy anymore.
And I couldn't keep surrendering my own life to please the man.
I released his hand.
Then I looked toward the street.
Mr. Crenshaw was still waiting.
I had one more thing to do before leaving the duplex.
I needed to give him the signal.
Click here to continue reading: PART 9: I Finally Gave Mr. Crenshaw the Signal, While My Son Stood Beside the Trailer Wondering What He Had Missed
My Son Offered Me a Place to Live, but the Price He Put on My Independence Was Something I Never Expected
Part 8 of 20
