The following Saturday, Hugh brought the children to visit.
Marlee came with him.
I had spent the morning cleaning.
Not because the apartment was dirty.
I simply wanted everything to look nice.
I put fresh water in the flower vase.
I wiped the table.
I made coffee.
Then I placed the little bowl of candies near the window.
The children came upstairs first.
Augie ran straight toward the kitchen.
"Grandma!"
I laughed.
"You're getting very familiar with this place."
He looked toward the cupboards.
"Are you making pancakes?"
I shook my head.
"Not today."
He made a disappointed face.
"Maybe another time."
"Maybe."
Hugh came in carrying a small paper bag.
Marlee followed.
He handed me the bag.
"We brought you something."
I opened it.
Inside were some groceries.
A loaf of bread.
A few apples.
Some tea.
I looked at him.
"You didn't need to do that."
"We wanted to."
I thanked him.
It was a kind gesture.
I placed the groceries on the counter.
Marlee looked around.
"You've really made this place comfortable."
"I like it here."
She nodded.
Then she looked toward the chair near the window.
"That must be nice in the mornings."
"It is."
The children were already sitting at the table.
Augie asked whether he could have a candy.
I told him he could take one.
He chose carefully.
Then he asked whether he could have another for later.
I laughed.
"One at a time."
Hugh smiled.
We spent the next hour talking.
The children showed me their drawings.
One of them had made a picture of our family.
I looked at it carefully.
There were several people standing together.
I recognized Hugh.
I recognized Marlee.
The children were drawn with large heads and small bodies.
Then I saw myself.
I was standing beside a little building with a window.
I smiled.
"Is that Grandma's apartment?"
Augie nodded.
"Yes."
I put the drawing on the refrigerator.
It made me happy.
Later, while the children were occupied, Hugh sat with me near the window.
He looked at the photograph of my husband.
"Do you miss Dad?"
I looked at the frame.
"Every day."
He nodded.
"I know."
For a while, neither of us spoke.
Then he asked whether I had been lonely since moving.
I considered the question.
"Sometimes."
He looked down.
"I'm sorry."
I turned toward him.
"Why?"
He rubbed his hands together.
"Because things got difficult."
I nodded.
"They did."
He seemed to be searching for something else to say.
Then he spoke.
"I think we made assumptions."
I waited.
"We thought because you were retired, you had more time than you knew what to do with."
I looked at him.
"And you thought I needed a place badly enough to accept anything."
He didn't answer immediately.
Finally, he nodded.
"Maybe."
I wasn't trying to punish him.
I simply wanted him to understand what the arrangement had looked like from my side.
I had lost my husband.
I had lost my old home.
I was facing the possibility of having nowhere familiar to go.
That was already difficult.
I didn't need somebody turning my situation into an opportunity to collect rent and childcare.
Hugh looked at me.
"I should have asked what you wanted."
I nodded.
"Yes."
He looked toward the children.
"They miss you."
"I miss them, too."
He smiled faintly.
I continued.
"I want to be part of their lives. But I need to be their grandmother, Hugh. Not somebody whose entire week belongs to everybody else."
He nodded.
"I understand."
I hoped he did.
Marlee came over a few minutes later.
She sat down across from us.
She looked at the drawing on the refrigerator.
"Augie really likes your apartment."
I smiled.
"He does."
She folded her hands.
Then she looked at me.
"Mama, I know things didn't go the way we expected."
I waited.
She continued.
"We probably should have talked more before making plans."
I nodded.
I didn't rush to reassure her.
I didn't want a quick apology simply to make the afternoon comfortable.
But I appreciated that she had said something.
I looked at her.
"I would have liked that."
She lowered her eyes.
Then she asked whether I was enjoying the apartment.
I told her I was.
That was the truth.
We didn't discuss the pink notebook.
We didn't discuss the rules.
We didn't discuss the seven hundred dollars.
Not that afternoon.
There would be time for difficult conversations if they were ever needed.
For now, I wanted the children to remember a pleasant visit.
When they left, Augie hugged me again.
"See you next week, Grandma."
I kissed his forehead.
"See you soon."
I watched them go down the stairs.
Then I closed the door.
I looked at the drawing on the refrigerator.
The little building.
The window.
The family standing together.
I smiled.
I didn't need to live in the same house to love those people.
And I didn't need to give up my independence to prove it.
Click here to continue reading: PART 19: The Pink Notebook Finally Came Out of the Drawer, and I Decided I Would No Longer Let Its Pages Decide How I Felt About Myself
My Son Offered Me a Place to Live, but the Price He Put on My Independence Was Something I Never Expected
Part 18 of 20
