PART 9 – I Had Spent Two Years Trying to Keep the Peace, but That Evening I Finally Stopped Worrying About What Lauren Would Think

I remained outside the examination room.

The hospital clock seemed to move slowly.

I checked the time more than once, although I knew it hadn't been long.

Lauren was still nearby.

Every so often, I caught her looking at me.

I didn't return the looks.

There was nothing left to discuss between us that evening.

I had already explained why I called.

Tommy was hurting.

He needed help.

That should have been enough.

But I knew Lauren.

She rarely allowed a disagreement to remain about the original problem.

Sooner or later, the conversation would become about me.

My attitude.

My intentions.

My supposed resentment toward her.

I had spent two years defending myself against those accusations.

I wasn't going to do it again.

A nurse walked past.

I asked whether Tommy was comfortable.

She told me the staff were continuing to care for him.

I thanked her.

Then I returned to my place near the door.

I thought about the backpack he had carried into my house.

It had been hanging from one shoulder.

He hadn't even taken it off before asking whether he could sleep standing up.

That detail bothered me.

He hadn't come home expecting an ordinary evening.

He had arrived already frightened.

I remembered how carefully he had moved.

How he had stopped himself from sitting.

How he had looked at me when I reached for the phone.

I wished I had understood sooner.

But wishing couldn't help him now.

I had to stay focused on what was happening.

Lauren eventually shifted her handbag to her other arm.

She looked toward the examination room again.

For a moment, I wondered whether she was worried.

Perhaps she was.

I couldn't know what she was thinking.

I also couldn't pretend that her earlier behavior hadn't happened.

She had dropped him off.

She had called him dramatic.

She had driven away.

Those were the facts I knew.

I didn't need to add anything.

I didn't need to make accusations.

I only needed to remember what I had personally seen.

The officer remained in the hallway.

His presence reminded me that this was no longer simply a private disagreement between two divorced parents.

There were people outside our family who had a responsibility to take the situation seriously.

That frightened me.

It also gave me some relief.

For the first time that evening, I didn't feel completely alone with the questions.

I looked at the closed door.

I wanted Tommy to know I was still there.

I wanted him to understand that the promise I had made in the ambulance hadn't changed.

I wasn't leaving.

Click here to continue reading: PART 10: The More I Remembered About Tommy’s Behavior, the Harder It Became to Accept That Everything Had Been Nothing More Than a Difficult Divorce