PART 11 – I Wanted to Be the Person Tommy Could Trust, Even If That Meant Admitting How Long I Had Failed to Understand His Silence

I thought about what Tommy had said when I first asked him what happened.

Nothing.

He had looked down.

He had avoided my eyes.

At the time, I had wanted to believe he simply didn't know how to explain his pain.

Now I wondered whether he was afraid of the consequences of explaining it.

His warning about the police had made that fear impossible to ignore.

He believed I could be arrested.

He believed calling for help might hurt me.

I kept hearing his small voice.

I wished I could tell him that none of this was his responsibility.

He wasn't responsible for his mother's reaction.

He wasn't responsible for my decisions.

He wasn't responsible for what the doctors or police needed to do.

He was a child.

He deserved to be treated like one.

I also knew that I couldn't demand that he trust me immediately.

Trust wasn't something I could order from him.

I had to show him.

I had to be patient.

I had to listen when he was ready.

And I had to make sure that he wasn't frightened into silence again.

The social worker had explained why the hospital needed to follow its procedures.

I respected that.

I didn't know every detail of what those procedures involved.

I didn't need to.

I only needed to cooperate.

I looked at the examination room door.

I imagined Tommy looking around for me.

That thought made me stand again.

I moved closer.

A member of the medical staff noticed me waiting.

I asked whether there was anything I needed to do.

She told me to remain available.

I nodded.

That was all.

I returned to the hallway.

I didn't call Lauren names.

I didn't threaten her.

I didn't try to make the officer take my side.

I wanted the facts to be established.

And I wanted Tommy to feel that the adults around him were finally listening.

I had spent months asking him questions.

Perhaps what he needed most was not another question.

Perhaps he needed to see that he could speak without being blamed.

I had to remember that.

Click here to continue reading: PART 12: When I Looked Back at the Sunday Handoff, I Realized the Most Important Thing Was No Longer What Lauren Thought of Me