PART 9 – I Kept Searching the Same Stretch of Water, Hoping the Next Time I Looked Up Would Be Different

I called Cassie's name until my throat hurt.

I didn't know how many times I had shouted it.

I only knew I couldn't stop.

Every few seconds, I lifted my head and searched the surface.

The lake looked different from out there.

From the dock, it had seemed wide but familiar.

Now it seemed endless.

I tried to remember exactly where I had seen her fall.

The jet ski had been moving quickly.

There had been a wake.

Then the flash of pink.

I had been watching from shore, and even though I had seen it happen, I couldn't identify one exact spot.

That was what frightened me.

I didn't want to search the wrong area.

I didn't want to waste time.

I kept looking around the place where I had found the hair tie.

The little plastic strawberry had made me certain it belonged to Cassie.

I couldn't stop seeing it.

I wondered whether she had lost it when she hit the water.

I wondered whether it had come loose as she struggled.

I forced myself not to finish that thought.

I had no answers.

And I couldn't create them out of fear.

I heard engines behind me.

The sound seemed closer than before.

I turned briefly.

There were boats moving away from the shoreline.

People were responding to the emergency.

I hoped someone would be able to search more effectively than I could.

I was one person in a large stretch of water.

I knew that.

I also knew I couldn't simply wait.

I turned forward again.

I called her name.

No answer.

I looked toward the surface.

Nothing.

My arms were getting tired, but I kept moving.

I remembered being nineteen and swimming for the University of Missouri.

Back then, I had thought about pace.

I had thought about distance.

I had thought about finishing a race without exhausting myself too early.

None of that mattered now.

I wasn't trying to win anything.

I was trying to find my little girl.

I wished I had a better idea of where Trey had been when she fell.

I wished he had stopped immediately.

I wished he had turned around instead of continuing across the lake.

I wished he had come back with Cassie instead of carrying her life jacket.

But wishing didn't change what had happened.

I needed to keep searching.

Click here to continue reading: PART 10: The More I Remembered His Return to the Dock, the More I Understood Why I Could Never Trust His Explanation