PART 18 – The Things My Family Had Always Excused Were No Longer Small Mistakes, No Matter How Much They Wanted Me to Believe Otherwise

I thought about Trey again.

I didn't want to.

But I couldn't separate what had happened from the choices that had brought us there.

He had been drinking.

He had taken Cassie out.

He had allowed her to ride without her life jacket.

Then she had fallen.

Those facts were enough.

I didn't need to know what my parents thought about them.

I didn't need another explanation.

For years, they had treated his drinking as something unfortunate.

They had treated his arrests as mistakes.

They had asked other people to be patient with him.

I had watched that happen more times than I could count.

But this time, there was a child involved.

My child.

I remembered my father's warning.

He had said Trey could go to prison.

I remembered my mother's complaint.

She had said I always ruined things.

I wondered whether either of them understood how those words sounded.

I wasn't trying to punish my brother.

I wasn't trying to embarrass my parents.

I was trying to get help for a seven-year-old who had disappeared into the lake.

That was the entire situation.

I kept looking.

I couldn't see the dock clearly enough to know what everyone was doing.

I could hear distant activity.

I hoped the people responding would reach the area quickly.

I wanted more people searching.

I wanted someone to find Cassie.

I wanted someone to tell me where to go.

But I couldn't stop looking just because I needed help.

I searched the water again.

I remembered the orange vest.

I remembered the pink swimsuit.

I remembered the strawberry decoration.

Every detail felt important.

I kept repeating her name.

I didn't know whether she could hear me.

I called anyway.

Click here to continue reading: PART 19: I Could No Longer Pretend This Was a Family Disagreement, Because My Daughter’s Life Had Never Been Something We Could Negotiate