PART 6 – I Had Chosen Lily Without Knowing Everything, but Nothing in That Office Changed the Promise I Had Made to Her

I remained in the lawyer's office longer than I had expected.

The papers were spread across his desk.

I kept returning to the same questions.

What had the earlier families known?

Why had they withdrawn?

And why hadn't these records been included before my adoption was completed?

The lawyer listened while I tried to put my thoughts into words.

I wasn't angry with Lily.

I needed him to understand that.

Whatever had happened before she came into my home, I didn't blame her.

She was a little girl.

She hadn't chosen the circumstances of her life.

She hadn't chosen the adults who had considered adopting her.

And she certainly hadn't chosen for important information to be missing from her file.

I looked at the lawyer.

"I need to know whether she is safe."

He understood what I meant.

He explained that we needed to distinguish between information contained in the documents and anything that might still require clarification.

I nodded.

I didn't want him to make promises he couldn't support.

But I wanted the truth.

I thought about the months before the adoption.

I remembered how carefully I had followed every instruction.

I remembered signing documents and answering questions.

I remembered feeling nervous about my age.

I had wondered whether I could give Lily everything she needed.

Those concerns had been real.

But I had faced them because I believed the adoption was the right thing to do.

Now I wondered whether I had been given the complete picture.

That thought hurt.

Not because I regretted adopting her.

I didn't.

It hurt because I wanted to believe that everyone involved had been equally committed to protecting her interests.

I looked again at the folder.

The lawyer explained that the additional records needed to be reviewed properly.

He didn't want me leaving with only fragments of information and drawing conclusions that might be wrong.

I understood.

Still, I felt impatient.

I was her mother.

I wanted to know what had happened.

I wanted to understand why five families had turned away.

And I wanted to know whether the information could affect Lily's future.

I asked whether the adoption itself had been completed correctly.

He told me that the discovery of additional documents did not automatically answer that question.

He would need to examine the records and establish what had been omitted and why.

I listened carefully.

There were things I didn't understand about the legal process.

I wasn't going to pretend otherwise.

But I understood one thing perfectly.

Lily needed someone who would stand beside her.

That responsibility belonged to me now.

I remembered the first time I had seen her.

She had been sitting apart from the other children.

I had wondered why nobody had chosen her.

I had thought that perhaps I could give her the home she deserved.

I still wanted that.

Nothing in the folder had changed the way I felt when I looked at her.

But I was beginning to understand that love didn't mean refusing to look at difficult information.

If there was something I needed to know, I had to face it.

Even if it frightened me.

Especially if it concerned her.

The lawyer gathered the papers into a neater stack.

He said he would continue reviewing the records.

I asked him not to leave anything unexplained.

He assured me that he understood.

I stood up slowly.

My legs felt strangely weak.

Before leaving, I looked once more at the folder.

It was still on his desk.

I wanted to take every page home and read it until I understood everything.

But I knew I needed to let the review happen properly.

I thanked him, although I wasn't sure I felt thankful for anything at that moment.

Then I walked out.

The drive home felt longer than usual.

I kept both hands on the steering wheel.

Every few minutes, my thoughts returned to the same question.

What had happened before Lily came into my life?

I didn't know.

But I knew I wasn't going to turn away from her.

Click here to continue reading: PART 7: When I Returned Home, Lily Was Still the Same Little Girl, but I Could No Longer Look at Her Story Without Questions