PART 15 – The Five Families Were Still on My Mind, but I Refused to Let Their Decisions Define the Little Girl I Loved

As the days passed, I found myself thinking less about the reactions of the five families and more about Lily herself.

I had never wanted her to feel like someone nobody wanted.

That was the thought that had stayed with me since our first meeting.

When I had heard about the earlier adoption attempts, I had imagined how confusing those experiences might have been for such a young child.

I didn't know what she remembered.

I didn't know how much she understood.

But I knew she deserved to feel wanted.

I wanted her to grow up with that certainty.

Sometimes, I caught myself looking at her and remembering the day I first saw her sitting alone.

I could still picture the room.

The other children had been playing.

The volunteers were arranging donations.

And Lily had been sitting quietly away from everyone else.

I had not known her story then.

I had only known that I wanted to help.

That decision had brought us together.

I didn't regret it.

I also didn't want the missing documents to become the only thing I thought about whenever I considered her past.

She was more than an adoption file.

She was more than five families who had withdrawn.

She was a child with her own personality, her own needs, and her own future.

I wanted to remember that.

One afternoon, I found myself thinking about the church.

It was where I had gone after losing my husband and daughter.

It was where I had slowly learned to leave the house again.

It was where I had discovered that helping other people could give my life some direction.

And it was where I had first encountered Lily.

I wondered what my life would look like if I had never started volunteering.

Perhaps I would still be living alone.

Perhaps I would still be spending my days trying to make time pass.

I couldn't know.

But I was grateful that I had gone.

I had found something meaningful there.

And I had found my daughter.

I thought about how much courage it had taken to ask about adopting her.

At the time, I hadn't known how long the process would take.

I hadn't known how difficult the questions would become.

But I had known that I wanted to try.

That was still true.

I didn't want the discovery of additional documents to make me doubt the love I had given Lily.

Love was not a mistake.

Wanting to give a child a home was not a mistake.

But I needed to be responsible enough to understand the facts.

That evening, I returned to the questions I had written down.

I read them once more.

I didn't add anything.

I had already asked what mattered most.

I wanted to know why the five families withdrew.

I wanted to know what the additional records contained.

And I wanted to understand why I hadn't been given that information during the adoption process.

I placed the paper away again.

Then I returned to Lily.

Whatever the answers turned out to be, I wanted her to have a childhood that wasn't controlled by the decisions of people who had come before me.

She deserved to be loved without conditions.

And I intended to keep showing her that.

Click here to continue reading: PART 16: I Had Waited So Long to Become a Mother Again That I Was Not Going to Let Fear Stop Me From Learning the Truth