PART 16 – I Had Waited So Long to Become a Mother Again That I Was Not Going to Let Fear Stop Me From Learning the Truth

I began checking my telephone less often.

Not because I had stopped caring about the lawyer's review.

I simply realized that waiting beside the telephone wasn't helping anyone.

The questions would still be there whether I checked every few minutes or not.

So I returned my attention to our ordinary days.

I kept the house running.

I continued caring for Lily.

And I tried to enjoy the moments that had become so precious to me.

Sometimes I would look around the room and remember what it had been like before she arrived.

There had been no toys.

No little books.

No reason to keep certain things within a child's reach.

The house had been perfectly quiet.

Now it felt like a home again.

I had missed that feeling more than I realized.

I thought about my husband.

I thought about my daughter.

I still wished they could have been here.

Nothing could change that.

But I was beginning to understand that loving Lily didn't mean forgetting them.

It meant allowing myself to have a future even though I had experienced terrible loss.

That had taken me a long time to accept.

And I was grateful that I had finally managed it.

Still, the discovery in the lawyer's office remained important.

I wasn't going to ignore it.

I wanted to know what the documents said.

I wanted to know whether the five families had received information that had not been shared with me.

And I wanted to know why the records had only been discovered after the adoption.

I didn't need anyone to tell me that asking those questions was unreasonable.

They were questions any parent would have wanted answered.

Especially a parent who had discovered that important documents about a child's earlier history had been missing.

I remembered the lawyer's expression.

He had looked unusually serious.

His voice had trembled during the telephone call.

He had apologized when explaining the discovery.

I didn't know exactly what he had found.

But I knew he believed I needed to see it.

That was why I had gone to his office.

And that was why I would continue asking for an explanation.

I wanted to approach the matter calmly.

I didn't want to let fear make me careless.

I didn't want to accuse anyone without evidence.

But I also didn't want to be told to stop asking questions simply because the answers were uncomfortable.

Lily deserved better than that.

One evening, I sat quietly and thought about the promise I had made when I first asked to adopt her.

I had promised myself that I would give her a home.

I had promised to care for her.

I had promised to make sure she knew she was wanted.

Those promises had not changed.

If anything, they mattered more now.

I couldn't change the years before I met her.

I couldn't change the decisions of the five families.

But I could make sure she had someone who would stand by her.

I looked toward the room where her toys were scattered.

A small reminder of how much my life had changed.

I smiled.

Then I took my telephone and placed it beside me.

I was ready to speak with the lawyer whenever he called.

I wanted the complete truth.

And I was no longer afraid to ask for it.

Click here to continue reading: PART 17: The Call I Had Been Waiting For Finally Came, but I Was Still Not Prepared for What the Lawyer Wanted to Discuss