PART 18 – I Finally Asked the Question That Had Followed Me Since the First Visit, and the Lawyer Returned to the Missing Third Page

The lawyer began explaining the records again.

I listened without interrupting.

He showed me where the documents related to the earlier adoption attempts.

I tried to follow everything.

There were details I didn't understand immediately.

Whenever that happened, I asked him to explain.

I didn't want to leave with more confusion than I had brought into the room.

I asked about the five families.

He explained that their withdrawal from the adoption process was the reason these records had become so important to our discussion.

I looked down at the folder.

I remembered hearing about those families at the group home.

Back then, I had felt sorry for Lily.

I hadn't understood why anyone would walk away from her.

Now I was sitting in a lawyer's office trying to understand the same thing.

I asked whether the additional records contained the reasons for their decisions.

He indicated that the documents were connected to those previous attempts.

I wanted to know what each family had been told.

I wanted to know whether there had been information about Lily that I hadn't received.

And I wanted to know why the original records hadn't contained these papers.

The lawyer continued reviewing the documents.

He was careful with his explanations.

I appreciated that, even though the process was difficult.

I looked at the pages again.

There was something deeply uncomfortable about seeing my daughter's history spread across a desk.

I wished I could simply take her home and never have to think about any of it.

But that wouldn't have been right.

I needed to understand.

I asked him what he believed the most important part of the discovery was.

He looked down at the folder.

Then he returned to the page I had been unable to forget.

The third page.

I remembered how my eyes had stopped there during our first meeting.

I remembered my hands shaking.

I remembered asking how anyone could have hidden the information from me.

Now I was looking at it again.

I tried to read it calmly.

I moved my finger along the lines.

I wanted to understand the words rather than react to the fear they created.

The lawyer waited.

I looked up.

"Why wasn't I given this information before the adoption?"

He explained that this was one of the questions he was still examining.

I felt disappointed.

I had hoped that by now he would have a complete explanation.

But I understood that he couldn't give me answers he hadn't established.

I looked at the folder again.

I had come into his office wanting to know why five families had withdrawn.

I still wanted that answer.

But I also wanted to know whether the missing information had affected the way I had been able to make decisions.

I was Lily's mother.

I wasn't going to stop asking.

The lawyer closed one section of the folder and placed it beside the others.

He told me that the documents would need to be considered carefully.

I nodded.

I was beginning to understand that the answers would depend on the actual records.

Not on what I feared.

Not on what I imagined.

On what could be established.

That was what I wanted.

Click here to continue reading: PART 19: I Returned to the Page That Had Frightened Me, Knowing That Whatever It Contained, Lily Was Never to Blame