PART 19 – I Returned to the Page That Had Frightened Me, Knowing That Whatever It Contained, Lily Was Never to Blame

I left the lawyer's office with the same questions still weighing on my mind.

I had hoped the meeting would make everything clearer.

Some things had become easier to understand.

Others remained uncertain.

But one thing was clear to me.

I needed the complete information about Lily's earlier adoption attempts.

I couldn't ignore the fact that additional documents had been found.

I couldn't pretend the discovery was unimportant.

And I couldn't let the questions disappear simply because they were difficult.

During the drive home, I thought about the third page.

I could still remember the moment I first saw it.

My reaction had been immediate.

I had felt shocked.

I had felt frightened.

And I had wondered how something so important could have been kept from me.

But I also remembered something else.

The lawyer had apologized.

He had not called to tell me that everything was fine.

He had called because he believed I needed to know about the discovery.

I tried to keep that in mind.

When I arrived home, I put my keys down.

The house was familiar.

The toys were still there.

The books were still part of our everyday life.

And Lily was still the little girl I loved.

I didn't want the contents of an adoption file to become more important than the child herself.

I sat quietly for a while.

Then I thought about the five families again.

I had no way of knowing what each family had experienced.

I couldn't speak for them.

I couldn't explain their decisions.

But I could ask why their adoption attempts had ended.

And I could insist that the information about Lily's history be properly examined.

I wanted to know whether the documents had been separated accidentally.

I wanted to know whether anyone had reviewed them before my adoption.

I wanted to understand exactly what I had been told and what I hadn't.

Those were reasonable questions.

I had not asked to become Lily's mother casually.

I had spent months going through the process.

I had accepted the responsibilities.

I had brought her home because I wanted to give her a family.

And I still wanted that.

I thought about my late husband and daughter.

I wondered what they would have said if they could see me now.

Perhaps they would have understood why I had opened my heart to Lily.

Perhaps they would have reminded me that love required courage.

I couldn't know.

But I knew what I needed to do.

I needed to keep moving forward.

I needed to be patient with the review.

And I needed to make sure Lily never felt that she was responsible for the difficult parts of her past.

The following morning, I returned to our ordinary routine.

I didn't want to make every day about the missing documents.

I wanted Lily to have a childhood.

I wanted her to feel that home was a safe place.

I wanted her to know that she was loved.

The folder could wait until I had the next proper explanation.

My daughter could not.

Click here to continue reading: PART 20: I Finally Understood That Lily Needed More Than Someone to Choose Her Once; She Needed Someone Who Would Keep Choosing Her Every Day