PART 13 – I Had Finally Found Happiness Again, but the Questions About Lily’s Five Failed Adoptions Still Followed Me

I woke up the following morning with the same questions I had carried for days.

I wanted answers.

Not because I regretted adopting Lily.

I had never regretted that.

I wanted to understand what had happened before she became my daughter.

There was a difference, and I needed to remember it.

I went through the morning routine as usual.

The house was no longer the quiet place it had been before Lily arrived.

There were little things to take care of, and I found myself moving from one task to another.

I was grateful for that.

It gave me something to concentrate on besides the missing documents.

Still, whenever I had a moment alone, I thought about the lawyer.

I wondered whether he had finished examining the additional records.

I wondered whether he had discovered why they hadn't been included originally.

And I wondered whether he understood why I needed to know.

I wasn't asking out of curiosity.

I was asking because Lily's past mattered.

I had become responsible for her future, and I couldn't do that properly while important questions remained unanswered.

I thought about the five families again.

Five separate opportunities for Lily to have a permanent home.

Five families who had eventually withdrawn.

When I first heard about them, I had felt sorry for her.

Now I felt something more complicated.

I wanted to know what had happened during those adoption attempts.

I wanted to understand whether the families had been given information that I hadn't received.

But I had to remind myself that I didn't know their circumstances.

I couldn't judge people without knowing what they had experienced.

I could only concentrate on the information that concerned Lily.

Later, I sat down and looked through the things we had prepared for her.

Her books were nearby.

Her toys were where they usually ended up.

I smiled when I noticed how much the house had changed.

Before Lily, I had spent years keeping everything neat because there was nobody else to disturb it.

Now I had accepted that a little mess was part of having a child at home.

I wouldn't have traded it.

I thought about my late daughter.

Sometimes memories of her came unexpectedly.

There were moments when I wished I could tell her about Lily.

I wondered whether she would have enjoyed having a little girl around.

I imagined her teasing me about how many toys I had allowed into the house.

That thought made me smile.

Then I remembered the folder.

My smile faded.

I couldn't pretend the discovery hadn't frightened me.

But I also couldn't allow it to take away every good feeling I had found since adopting Lily.

I had spent too many years living only with sadness.

I wasn't going to return to that place.

When the lawyer contacted me, I would listen carefully.

Until then, I would continue being the mother Lily needed.

That evening, I found myself thinking about the word family.

For years, I had believed mine had disappeared.

Now I had a daughter again.

And whatever the documents revealed, I wanted her to grow up knowing that she belonged.

Click here to continue reading: PART 14: I Began to Understand That Being Lily’s Mother Meant Asking Difficult Questions Instead of Looking Away From Them